Cincinnati Bublaboo

Transitions

2009-09-07T04:41:00.009-04:00

Three years to the blog. Three years in Amreeka.

Three, and counting..

Travels and Travails

2009-04-16T22:23:00.028-04:00

Right, so here's another one of those ~~short~~ quick updates. Between then and now, on expected lines, things changed, times changed. Some found greener pastures and moved on. Some continue to seek the same and await their turn to get there. Somewhere in between, there's yours truly who has obstinately stayed put, firmly planting his revered backside on a black leather couch somewhere around this place with a (de)famed laptop on his person - remaining a static nodal point in an otherwise dynamic world around him.

Sometime in these past few months, Florida happened - a technical conference and a short visit to the beaches being the highlights. A big guy and his spooky labmate had a reunion with an old mentor and pal, and made new friends over icecreams, geektalk and joyrides in amusement parks. Presentation aside, discussions revolved, for most part, on how the vibrations industry remains shaken up, and what might be needed to excite the field again (clean harmless puns for modal analysts partly intended, double entendre not so much). Economic constraints meant iPods and digicams were replaced by t-shirts and notepads as game bounties and raffle prizes.

Joyous over winning one such freebie, yours truly returned to dear ol' Cincy in time to celebrate V-Day in joyful SADness. Free entertainment was provided from the other end of the globe by this not-so-gentle man and this not-very-gentle-either woman, as oppressed(?) youth in Bharat found a..err..fitting.. response, in pink chaddis, to the moral policing of self-proclaimed guardians of ~~Indian~~ ~~Hindu~~ take-your-pick culture.

A little further down the timeline, Puerto Rico beckoned with open skies for an escapade to the Caribbean Islands. With biomechanic works behind one's back, figuratively and literally, binging sessions took over early evenings and went on till just short of daybreak. While some let the Margaritas and Martinis kick in, some downed lemonades and virgin Dragon Punches with equal fervor and greater sobriety. Liquor or no liquor, this exotic island managed to have both kinds floored end of the day. With a fun company around, ~~arguments~~ chitchats in dingy bars, flashy pubs and streets lasted all nights as profound thoughts were exchanged on infidelity, marriages, moralities, alcoholism and social orthodoxies in cultures across the globe - whowuddavethunk fluids could be so potent?

Efforts were expended in trying to pick up enough of Español to be able to order vegetarian foods and to strike conversations with random females - turned out it took a lot more than Spanish to accomplish either of the two around there. A day was spent exploring the historical Old San Juan. Known for its port and old Spanish forts, this lively town marked by narrow cobblestone streets and colors from across the palette stands in stark contrast to the more urbane landscapes of the capital city of San Juan. Activities off the seas included a small hike through the El-Yunque tropical rainforest. Ears were craned to hear the Puerto Rican Parrot sing, and eyes struggled to catch a glimpse of the Coquí, species native to this island. Somewhere during the stay, a night was spent by the rocks and the waters; the waves spoke for long, a bat listened - mutely and intently for once - and returned home wiser.

Bitten by the travel bug harder and deeper, a yearning for idly-vadas translated into a visit to the Big Apple and the wild Buffalo. A week was spent exploring the city that never sleeps and all its skyscrapers, parks and bridges. Bigcity fastlife was re-lived on the commute as New York City was criscrossed over red, blue, green and yellow lines. In the crowds, in the rush, in life and activity bubbling all over the place, Bangalore.. Bengalüru was remembered, as were words a friend penned. A weekend by the more serene and humbling Niagara signed off a memorable stay amidst friends - a personal highlight of the visit being a partial conquest over fear once exhibited for the canine species. Fear of the feline and the feminine continue to rank high on the list, on an sidenote.

Back to Cincy, back to the couch, back to the occasional labwork, back to the coffee, cream, sugars and biscuits, and to a much-abused companion in a laptop that holds its head high while lesser builds crash. Back to the home away from home. With a nest to come back to after the skies are explored, the travels and travails in life continue unabashed.

A smile a day. A cup of coffee spent over laughter.

A new place to visit. A new avenue to learn.

A penny earned, a penny saved, a penny well spent.

A good deed done.

A dream to chase. A dream to live.

To good times, now, always.

The world remains my oyster.

Colors. Blues.

2008-10-04T05:12:00.023-04:00

Took in the breeze - cold, blunt.

Savoured it. Prayed moments froze.

Shalt pass, this too?

Sought sunshine. Leapt for it.

Caught nothingness. Embraced it.

Bliss. Or was it?

Fall's here. Nandãma Sharadaśśhatam, shall we? Will we?

Two, and counting..

2008-09-07T03:24:00.027-04:00

The blog's second anniversary's here, and me gets into the retrospective mode yett egain. While it's been an eventful second year in the US, thank your stars not much of it has been/will be chronicled. This, as I have come to promise once too often now without ever living up to it, will be a short one. A few quick updates, then, between the then and the now.

I finally managed an A-grade. That the class average was an A-grade too is a trivial fact I pray you would be kind enough not to point out to me. The grade has been the high point of my academic life at Cincy this far, and I hope you would let me revel in my short-lived moment of glory.

'I am working on my thesis' pretty much answers all you need to know about all that I have been doing for most of last year, and by the looks of it, what I would be 'doing' for another few months in the least. Any deeper probes into my researchwork and date/month/year of completion would be met with severe verbal backlash and depending on your physique, with uppercuts, lowercuts and all darned cuts in between. Smile, throw a wazza!, be gone and make us both happy.

I've, over the last year, managed to take my name off the hitlists of atleast 4 people in Cincinnati - the ones who'd either threatened to squash me to pulp when sighted or 'd take long detours to avoid the remotest possibilities of running into me. Am working on the others.

My fear of the female species has come down, albeit by the tiniest of margins. The guy who'd break into a sweat in the presence of a skimpily clad female blonde next seat on the bus now manages to coolly throw a smile back at members of the aforementioned species. That, very often, is also where the stories end. One step at a time, they tell me. Fear of cats and dogs, on ~~the same~~ a different note, continues to remain high up on the list, with little change expected in the forseeable future.

The rest of yours truly remains unchanged for most part. Since I am at it, and since you look like you do have some time, I might as well run you through that list too.

I continue to remain a non-smoking unstoned teeto veggie*, and my respect for those who aren't, remains independent of the aforementioned attributes.

My cooking skills have improved by a decent margin. considering that I now cook for 4 other souls under the same roof, and that they have so far managed to wake up each morning without upset bellies or sore intestines. Sree even managed to down some of my concoctions with a certain degree of relish. Phew.

Lousiness with numbers, among other things, remains as spectacularly lousy as ever - academically, with grocery bill computations, and otherwise. My ability to pull works off the very last minute continues to amaze me, and continues to annoy people who happen to have a stake in some of those works. This is expected to continue till I get killed or till people entrust me with works no more, whichever is earlier. Am kind of hoping it's the latter.

My stay in the US as I have known this far is expected to change soon. Jobs, committments, money - things change, times change, people 'move on'. C'est la vie, they tell me again. Until then, may the luxuries of student life prevail - long cups of coffee spent over the harmless trivialities of life, icecream parlor visits post-midnight, long solitary walks across the campus at ungodly hours, the luxury of being permitted to work/sleep whenever The Force hits you - in pursuit of knowledge, pursuit of happiness, and pursuit of all that's good and healthy. Cheers to good times and great ~~Pizza~~ memories.

My lessons in life continue.

In loving memory of silent nights

2008-07-22T02:18:00.004-04:00

"Your attention please. Your attention please. The Cincinnati Weather Dept has issued a severe weather warn....."

The weather warning system then goes on to say something about thundershowers, lightning and how staying away from windows and balconies is to be considered necessary if we wish to live to see ourselves graduate, but I practically lost them soon after the fourth beep. If a bunch of painful high-frequency hammerbeeps at 80 decibels wouldn't get your attention at 2 AM, I don't know what else will. And if that weren't bad enough, they played it over, and over, and over again - mercy's now a thing of the past around here. In public interest, they say, and I dare say no more.

It's now raining cats, dogs and fattened pigs here, and not too quietly at that. Wooshing winds, roars, pouring rains, lightning flashes, leaking walls and there goes the rest of my night down the drain, literally.

I chose the nightlife for the peace and calm it offered. Too much to ask, was it? I am switching back to the day now. Go find the town a new bat.

Rejoinder : I take my words back on the public announcement thing. In spite of what might usually be considered deafeningly loud announcements, people around me continue to sleep, blissfully unaware of all the happenings in God's green world outside our abode. As stats pour in, that's 2 of every 3 people in each home around here. Either the PA system is flawed in design, or some people are blessed with good sleep at nights under all circumstances. I envy these souls, and live in the hope that someday I end up being one of them. Pray for me, brother.

Midnight melancholy

2008-06-22T04:38:00.003-04:00

A secluded lab. An antiquated workstation. Numbers. Patterns. A long day with its drudging mundanities. The occasional read. The occasional banter. Random solitary strolls at dusk. Food. Sleep. Caffeine. A dreary night, a desolate MLK, and a long lonely walk back home. Day after day, night after night - an interminable loop.

"Thus let me live, unheard, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie."
-Alexander Pope

Life?

Homecoming

2008-03-05T03:32:00.052-05:00

It's a funny frame of mind when you're heading back home as a tourist in your own country*, when things you once considered trivial suddenly seem invaluable, even profound. Went home, shook off some of the phoren dust and rolled over in desi soil all over again. Some blast it was, I tell you. You should try it sometime.

(*Am pretty sure I've heard this phrase in a movie, but after a sleepless 10th night in a row, the name still eludes me. Help me if you can - it's driving me nuts.)

Visited a hair salon the first morning I land. Was good to see salons where men (emphasis added) charged you a trifling 30 roobees (about 75 of your amreeki cents) for a haircut, with the local radio belting out chartbusters from the 1960s and 1970s in the background. Ever heard this one on radio, all ye youtube lovers? And the icing on the cake - there was no karaoke, or for that matter, drunken ladies handling razors anywhere within the danger zone. Good times had just begun.

Woke up most days at 5 am IST (emphasis added) to the smell of steaming hot filter coffee. Saw cricket matches live, without having to scratch the unmentionables hunting for 'working links' and putting up with 'poor streaming speeds'. Better still, the Indian team actually beat the living daylight out of the greencaps (and as I write, they just gave the finishing touches to the ODI tri-series. Woohoow, boys!) . And if the games weren't entertaining enough, there were the ads. The variety, the wit, the sheer strength of the message conveyed, the crispness - loved this and this in particular. Ads, strangely, weren't worth missing anymore.

Helped sister with high school mathematics, or atleast tried to. Turns out she could solve cubic equations on paper faster than I could get my scientific calculator or Matlab to do the grillwork for me. And don't even get me started about geometric theorems and lemmae. 'Elementary' mathematics was never scarier. About time I stopped letting machines do the thinking for me - am getting back to first principles.

Got to call the shots at the menu each day, and each meal of the day at that. Was a welcome change from the oh-so-delicious 'veggie buhguh and smaaw fries'. Thanks Ma, thanks Grandma - you're the best. And the chaatwallahs, the roadside bonda shops, Hot Chips, Shanti Sagars, the Coffee Board - bless you fellas. Britannia was right all along.

Drinks for a change didn't mean choosing between the Dew and Dr. Pepper. Lassi, tender cocos, sugarcane juice, spiced-up gulpable versions of buttermilk, badam milk (hot or cold, for choice) or that all-time fave, lime masala soda with a dash of ginger - beat the variety, I challenge you. A teeto couldn't ask for more.

Hit the roads with all its bumps and potholes on Pa's Eterno - Shtreet Hawk shtyle and all. The brakes and the horn incidentally remain the only things you need to drive on desi roads (a foul temper helps, but that's optional). Had an autorickshaw steamroll my foot while I was waiting a tad too patiently for the red signal to turn green. As I was to learn a painful scream later, patience was never a virtue in desi traffic. Was soon bully-honked into giving way for everyone behind me not willing to wait. Oh BTW, the signal gleefully remained red while all those gentlemen and ladies went past it. Me? I waited, and waited, and waited..

Kept fiddling with the indicators and the wiper lever on Pa's car - what was once right's now wrong/left. Asked Pa haughtily if the new car he'd bought had cruise control and all that stuff, and was challenged to make it to the 4th gear within Bangalore in the first place. Goes without saying, I gave up.

Was back on the BMTC as soon as I got a chance to. Inspite of all those sealed-door buses, some of older doorless Leylands and Tatas still do the rounds in Bengloor. Some rides they were - one foot on those few inches of space left on the footboard, the other foot hanging somewhere safely out of view, one hand clinging onto the support rod or the window grill (the nearest of the two - though given the circumstances, the distinction barely mattered), and the other hand multitasking between feeling for the purse in the backpocket and scratching that itchy nose. "Saar, swalpa adjust maadi" ("Saar, kindly adjust. This 2-seater should be able to hold a third me) remains Karnataka's most (ab)used line. No more polite 'STOP REQUESTED' stuff, buses answer only and only to a WOLDEN!! shouted loud enough to penetrate through the hullabaloo. And if I thought fun was to be had only on buses, I couldn't have been more wrong.

Encountered cows, buffaloes, sheep and even a jumbo on highways and cityroads alike. Cabbiebhai was right, after all. On another note, was a relief not having to hunt for restroom exits when the higher forces called. The gentlemen's conveniences were always around. Shame shame, puppy shame?

Picked up the American street-friendliness attitude and tried it in India out of sheer habit. Went about streets in Bangalore nodding and smiling at every face that passed by me, with the occasional Namaste and Chennagiddeera (howsitgoin') stuff. Got a few blanks, a lot of stares and almost got killed for smiling at the wrong someone. Learnt my lessons and promptly got back to the pokerface.

Stuff like Mrs. Rai-Bachchan's first Karva Chauth still make the headlines on leading newspapers, taking precedence over what some might consider matters of higher importance. Recently heard, Facebook makes it to the covers of a leading weekly. We are finally catching up with the rest of the world, no?

Karnataka still has no CM. President Patil continues to administer the state. Hope she does a better job at it than she did with that co-op bank of hers. Maya Memsaab and Miyaan Mulayam have now penetrated down south, with Bengaluru streets lined up with their hoardings. Deve Gowdre, Hushaar! You've got ~~company~~ competition at hand. In national news, the High Command gets shielded away from any and all blame for calling (in chaste Hindi - she's getting better, I tell you) a certain politician the 'merchant of death', whose return to power is blamed on good governance. High Command Junior seems all set to become the next Prime Minister of India, if all goes fine. Will it? Will he?

Caught up with desi movies - Bollywood, Kollywood and even lived through a Jaggesh pickchar (Cincywallahs can consult Kiran BV for further details on that gentleman). Air India, in all its love for me, treated me to Nanhe Jaisalmer both ways over headphones that played stereophonic white noise all through the movie with an extremely well-engineered sound quality. I'd love to go on and on in praise of AI, but I think I'll save it for later. Besides, buddies back home have issues with us phorén-returned desis cribbing about anything and everything Indian. "We've aped the pizza-burger-coke and hip-hop culture from The West, haven't we? Who needs the good stuff - the customer-friendliness, higher standards of public hygeine, social friendliness, ethics for most part, and rules where they are needed? We've managed without them all these years, haven't we - why need them now? We are like this only. Chalta hai, you see. And who the beeping beep are you to do the talking? You get back to chasing your big American dream and keep your armchair musings about India's development to yourself. Leave India to us Indians." I am an Indian too, or am I?

Was a month of solid fun in India - the joyride that was Air India, the time with folks, catching (and catching up with) friends over lunches and weekends, the good food, the hours spent walking through the serene environs of IISc, street-cricket, the rides on buses through streets that have changed (and those that haven't), the idiot box, the ads, cricket, Bollywood, Kollywood, Kannada phillums, politics, and most importantly, all those intangibles about India I can never ever sum up in words. There's chaos, sure, and while that's part of the fun, some things are changing for the better in India, in spite of politicians. Mr. Advani might have come to regret it, but some of us still strongly believe in India Shining, India Rising and Incredible India, and in due course of time, will be back to contribute our mite for the cause. Empty rhetoric? Only time will tell.

Back to the US, back to gradwork, back to burgers, fries, 98 Octane, and back to cooking - though it looks like it'll take me a little longer to get off IST. Winter's about to pass, and here's hoping for a fun spring ahead. Cheerios.

PS. That wasn't too long, was it?

Turkey rides

2007-11-26T05:32:00.002-05:00

At 2.30 AM on a wintery Friday morning, given a choice, which of the following would you be doing?

a) Lie dormant on a queen-sized mattress under a blissful comforter or inside an equally blissful sleeping bag, unmindful of those tiny adorable companions.

b) Watch India take on Pakistan at the Ferozeshah Kotla...live, at that. Or that Bollywood movie everyone's been raving about.

c) Chill out at UDF (pun intended), savour another one of those banana splits fully aware of the tummy ache the following day.

d) Hang out (no pun intended) in a non-linear dynamics lab with a 4-poster, a few hammers, a few more sensors, a workstation that refuses to boot up or power down, and a data acquisition system with more doohickeys on it than the Mars Rover (no fun intended, either).

e) Stare at the ceiling and wonder why elevators at the ERC take you for a ride each time you are in a hurry - possibly come up with a scientifically valid justification for them transiting from level 4 to level 3 via level 8, or admire the ingenuity of the ~~guy~~ lady who programmed them so.

Notice how the options do not include standing outside an electronics store braving sub-zero temperatures and snowflakes, behind 300 odd people lined up for doorbuster sales. The wise say there's no point in making mistakes if one doesn't learn from them, and the wiser counter it saying it's only human to err. Dumber doltheads like yours truly learn their lessons the harder way. Stood in a serpentine queue at the oddest time of the day hoping to go all digital, and ended up buying a pack of biscuits instead, more for survival than to avoid the ignominy of returning emptyhanded on a Black Friday. A sleepless night, an entire day spent hunting store to store for those elusive cheaper-than-free deals, and a pair of tired legs supporting a starved belly on the front and a broken back on the rear - in the irony of things they call it Thanksgiving here. TGIF? Thanks, but no thanks. Am sure the turkeys agree with me on this one.

PS. A little headstart for all ye fellas back home. Am heading home in a little over 2 weeks from now. Run for cover while you still can.

Kid Stuff

2007-11-19T06:19:00.001-05:00

A little kid I once knew used to be content with the smaller pleasures of life. Times changed. The little kid died.

The kid used to look forward to waking up at 4 am, if only to beat the rooster at its own game. The kid saw it more as a challenge than a misery. Times changed. The little kid died.

The kid found homemade almond powder a lot tastier than any of those "secret of my our enegy" drinks, let alone caffeine or carbonated drinks. Times changed. The little kid died.

The kid's outdoor life would kick off just before the sun popped up - going door to door at annoyingly early times knocking the sleep out of the whole street (and over each floor of each building/apartment on the street) to assemble two sides of a cricket/football team, only to return home two hours later muddy-stinky all over. Carefree, and full of life - a forced afternoon nap on holidays, or anything remotely close to hibernation - was something the kid despised with all his heart. Times changed. The little kid died.

Rushing off to school - a half-devoured breakfast, untied shoelaces, back'sack' zippers partly sealed with about 15 odd things precariously dangling without popping out - making it to the class ranks for the prayer barely in time, only to realize that the math homework notebook due the first hour of school was left back home; waiting for the lunch-hour Class One onwards, and for the final-bell lunch onwards ; a ride back home in a cycle-rickshaw - the kid used to enjoy the 9-5 lifestyle inspite of its minor shortcomings. Times changed. The little kid died.

Gulping down yet another glass'a milk after school (some kids loved milk, for the record) before scooting out for another round of games/sports/chitochats with pals on compound walls or terraces discussing ~~the theories of evolution~~ the trivialities of life - with real-world conversations that often lasted hours - the kid believed evenings couldn't be spent better. Times changed. The little kid died.

Dinner was when the kid would regale his parents with the highlights of the day - learning that little new something the kid never knew before, the class bully being given a solid rap on the knuckles by the teacher, the upcoming school picnic, the cribbings about having to scribble multiplication tables twenty times over, and yet another line of excuses for bringing the lunchbox home with pretty much all contents intact. Times changed. The little kid died.

The kid would refuse to go to bed until he'd heard a longishly long bedtime story - was surprising how parents and grandparents could come up with a new story each night when even moviemakers struggle to get to the same ends nowadays. The reassuring comforts of a mother's lap, the unbroken blissful sleep, and the irrelevance of alarm clocks - the kid enjoyed that time between days as much as the days themselves.

Times changed. The little kid grew up, left his small-town belongings for big-city life, and eventually crossed over to a bigger place - the US of A. His day now begins at a sluggish 11 am, with the hangover from sleep lasting another hour or so. He swears by caffeine, and depending on the time of the day, it either kicks him off the bed or gently tranquilizes him back to it. He makes it to classes a good 20 minutes late each time, often missing 'pop' quizzes held in the first ten minutes. No more rigours of repititive impositions, he now punches a few lines and lets a computer do the grillwork for him, conveniently so. No more mathematical tables - he now worries about vector calculus and eigenvalue realizations. His homeworks are now submitted on a digital dropbox - no more hardcopies. No more half-yearly and yearly exams, his agonies now revolve around conference papers gone bust, an obscure 'thesis' that refuses to take off, and the uncertainties of life, academic and otherwise, a year from date.

Baked potatoes for lunch - the 'kid' finally has a valid excuse for skipping lunch, but no one around to ask him for one. No more compound-wall powwows, his social interactions are now limited to over-the-internet conversations with people next door, and the door next to it. Conversations with people in flesh and blood end before they begin - a passing hi, a nod of the head, a wazza here, a howzitgoin' there. When someone said no man's an island onto himself, someone got it terribly wrong.

Evenings are now 'spent' on power naps that last a good 4-5 hours, before the somnathlon post-midnight. Dinner's digested over yet another rerun of a TV show or a movie buffered the previous night - no more bedtime tales. He dozes off with glasses on, headphones unplugged with the bellytop buffering movies for the the next night's dinner session. The fleeting moments before unconsciousness are now spent on regrets over yet another wasted day, over things that should have been done, and weren't; over delays, deadlines and due dates. Sleep - unbroken, blissful? Something like that.

The rot grows deeper - within and without. Times changed. Somewhere down the line, the little kid died.

A year.. in 'retro'spect.

2007-09-07T07:06:00.001-04:00

Bring out the champagne (on second thoughts, orange squash should do just fine). The blog's a year old now! Been a year since I landed here, and much like a good lot of folks here who decided against pondering about the greater mysteries in life, I took a moment to retrospect my oh-so-usual life in the year gone by. Some things change, some don't, and a whole lot of stuff still lies in the grey area between the two. Thought a lot, and decided the best way to celebrate the anniversary of the blog was to pile up some more garbage on the occasion. Here goes, yet again. Enjoy the stink.

Disclaimer : Long post. Get some coffee, some popcorn and if within reach, a pillow and a comforter. You'll need them all.

Among the things that have changed over the last one year, for better or worse..

1. I don't look at smokers and dopers as opinionated pestleheaded skunks who'd eventually rot away in an eternal hell full of smoke and puke minus the tobacco, dope and alcohol .... not anymore atleast. Have come to realise they are as human as the rest of us, and that there can be non-smoking non-drinking pestleheads too. Some people tell me I could well be called one, but let's keep that for some other time.

2. I don't consider non-vegetarians as untouchables anymore. I still feel sorry for the poor things that end up in their intestines though.

3. I don't differentiate between the day and the night anymore, be it sleep or academics. Have had the record of having slept for 5 hours amidst 72 hours of consciousness (and just so you know, did some pretty useful work in those hours of sobriety) and of having slept for a good 16 hours nonstop. The sun doesn't respect me anymore for those reasons, and much as I'd like to say likewise, I still end up saying my prayers to the sun every day.

4. People don't know my real name anymore. It's always "Are you the one they call the Bat around this place?", "Oh, you're the chap who they say doesn't know when to shut up?". Trust me when I say I am not making these up. Was almost the same earlier too, but people atleast knew the hapless soul who went by varied names including the Microbe or the Proton at various points in life was also called Balaji as per official records. Balaji who, you ask? My point exactly.

5. I cook. The results are not exactly something I could proudly tell my grandchildren about, but then, I now know what cooking/roasting/seasoning and frying are supposed to mean, and I also know they aren't all the same. Sometime soon, I intend to release a small cookbook of my own, with terms like 'ballasting', 'galvanising', 'vulcanising' and 'sintering' explained from the culinary point of view.

6. I can differentiate between doughnuts and bagels, and while that doesn't help me in any way, I am proud I can tell between the two. Gone are the days when I would go ask for 'that round thing with stuff on/in it' or 'that round thing without stuff on/in it'. Waitamminit! That isn't the difference?

7. Gone are the days when my most powerful shot on the cricketing field would land the ball no further than the short extra cover. I now clear the boundaries atleast once each innings - 'Offside Balaji', 'Singles Balaji' are all part of the past I have managed to erase well. It's a different thing it cost me a pair of glasses in the process, apart from the ignominy of being taken to task by a supposedly harmless leg spinner.

8. Also gone are the days when I let roaches and bugs pass by me without bothering to as much as shoot a glance at them. These days I stop them in their way, look at them hard and close, and let them pass by only after I make sure they know how displeased I am with their actions, especially the ones that involve me. Killing them is too much trouble, inspite of all that I have gone through.

9. I have come to control that itchy feeling of having to honk compulsively while driving. While it is no fun at all, I have sort of gotten used to it. I also miss being able to play around with the gearshift stick while dancing on the pedals. The only good thing is that I can drive on the left side of the road, which incidentally is the right side around this part of the world. Barring a few silly cones that I used for target practice, am yet to bang into someone/something with mentionable consequences.

10. I have come to clean my desk every fortnight, a big change from the half-yearly sessions back in India after each semester exams. If you need help hiding stuff from your own self, I could come and clean your desks for you too. A cuppa coffee is all I ask in return.

Among the things that have continued to hang around within me..

1. Multiple choice questions still drive me crazy. The lesser the options, the greater the confusion. I still believe questions like 'Do you have prior experience working with particle accelerators?' can be answered in more appropriate ways than a simple yes or a no. Have tried leaving half-page long crapstuff explaining my choices in every paper-based exam, but going by my grades, that hasn't helped much.

2. Talking of grades, my academic life continues being on cruise control - never goes up to an 'A', never drops to a 'C'. Like it or crib, B-grade Balaji is here to stay. I do miss being that kid in high school who'd take pride in being one mark below the class topper. One of those 'Once upon a time in history' kinda tales.

3. I continue to remain blissfully ignorant of the world around me when I hit the sack. You could leave me right onstage a rock concert, and I'd still 'rock like a baby'. If only I hit the sack when I ought to...

4. That leads me to Rock... and consequently, to pop and all related genres of music. All, or most of it continues to go whooosh over me. The lyrics take forever to figure out, I can't tell whether the singer/guitarist is high or not just by listening to him play, and being the simple dumb villager that I am, I don't feel like shaking my leg/hand/any other part of my body to the music. I have however come to be a big fan of white noise, for reasons more academic than aesthetic.

5. I am still lousy with numbers - be it academic stuff or financial matters. The only thing that has changed is that I use MatLab for additions and subtractions instead of a simple pocket calculator. In case you don't know what MatLab can do, it's something like using a gun to punch holes in your assignment sheets without trying to get shot in the foot.

6. I still dig my nose in public without even the slighest sense of shame or respect for propriety, and while that isn't exactly the kind of stuff I am supposed to make public, I really don't care. For all I know, neither do you.

7. I still consider the female homo sapiens of my generation as the third most dangerous and feared species on the planet, after dogs and cats. Been tempted more than once to put them all on the same footing, but the dogs and cats here are scarier, by a long margin at that. And before you get me wrong, the respect is there for each of the three, it's just that fear takes precedence.

8. I continue to watch movies in 4-5 sittings. Have seen about half of 'In Pursuit of Happyness', 25 minutes of 'The Godfather', and the first few frames of 'The Prestige'. By the end of the year, assuming all goes fine, I should have been done watching the rest of them.

9. I continue to implement JIT (Just in Time) and SHIT (SomeHow in Time) strategies to perfection - from assignments submissions to hunting for restrooms when in Godforsaken territories. On the other extreme, when I can afford to laze off, I put sloths to shame.

10. My brain just hibernated.. am out of thoughts. Help me fill this one in and win yourself a little surprise gift within 24 hours. By 'surprise gift', I assure you, I don't mean Chinese fortune cookies or lollypops.

(I must add here life in the last one year has been a great learning experience. My first stay away from home - without the 'Amma, Coffee!!', 'Sishter, get my books', the Hoodibaba chases on Pa's bike to catch the college bus, without Grandma's delicacies awaiting me each evening, without Grandpa's wit to help me put back an otherwise lousy day, without cousins to goof around with, without the roadside bonda/chaat shop, without cricket on main roads - has still been goodish. Been having fun managing academics and the life beyond. Made new friends and touched base with lost ones both online and offline, learnt some 'cool' slang in a whole buncha desi languages and English too. Have had some great moments over the last year, and chances are most likely you've been the reason behind some of those. Thanks for everything. Life's one long lesson, and I continue to learn.)

If still awake with nothing better to do, I am sorry this is all I have to offer. Please answer the poll on the top of the blog and doze away or get back to work.

India that is Bharat?

2007-08-17T05:55:00.000-04:00

Celebrated India's Independence Day outside the Indian soil for the first time. How? Here goes..

>> Displayed the Tricolour (Tricolor?) proudly on my profile on a social networking site, with 'Proud to be an Indian' replacing my first and last names. Mera Bharat Mahaan, for the world to see.

>> Watched Rang De Basanti, yet again. Was totally impressed by all the 'cool' stuff - beer 'baatly's, midnight hangouts, campus fancy-talk and the rest. With all the 'Lose Control' and 'Khalbali' stuff, you can't really blame me for not being able to name all of the 5 freedom fighters the movie tried to highlight. Managed to remember there were 5 of them. You don't expect me to name them, do you? Or worse, learn what their contribution to the struggle was?

>> Spent a moment's silence remembering Baapu, the one man who brought our country our independence. And when I say Gandhi, I can't but help bringing Nehru in the same breath, the man who Gandhi said 'will speak my language when I am gone'. Oh, there were others too?

>> Khudiram Bose, Prafulla Chakri, Bhagat Singh, aww.. why throw names at me? Why am I supposed to know about them anyway? Weren't they nothing more than 'misguided patriots'? The Mahatma said so and I trust the Mahatma. Would Tantya Topi and Rani Lakshmi Bai even come under the category of freedom fighters? Lalitya wonders, so do I.

>> When were Gandhi and Nehru born? Oct 2nd and Nov 14th, duh! Every Indian knows that, Vaidya tells me. We get a holiday on the former, and got chocolates as kids on the latter (Children's Day, remember?), apart from the full-page ads that flood the newspapers with on those days. When was Subhash Bose born, or Aurobindo Ghose, or Tilak? Should I know, and should I care? Isn't there the Martyr's day for all of the rest of them put together? Ohh, the day Mahatma Gandhi was assassinated? Yeah, I get the point.

>> Does Gandhi have to be everywhere... hogging the calendar, our history books, currency notes (even the ones that get handed under the table in the not-so-Gandhian ways) and government office walls alike? What have I against Gandhi? Nothing at all, honestly. But I do wonder - have we, in celebrating the contribution of a couple of individuals, come to gloss over that of a lot of others? A certain wiseguy observed, "If our civilization is to survive, we must break with the habit of deference to great men. Great men may make great mistakes". Wiseguys and wisecracks!

>> Why should I be even bothering about our history - stuff that's happened much before I was born? Haven't I had enough of history lessons in high school already? Haven't I spent endless hours mugging up the exact date and time the Battle of Wandiwash, among others, was held - never bothering to care about its relevance, if any? History was/is all about chronology, what's there to learn anyway? Besides, isn't there enough happening currently to keep me busy? Why hang on to the past?

This blog was never intended to go beyond frivolous descriptions of the moss that is me. 'Current affairs' were strictly restricted to the mundane in my life, nothing even remotely national. 'History' boiled down to remembering the day I first took to violence against the bugs, and the day they got their laughs back. This, however, is one rot in me I am not exactly proud of. 'Zara Yaad Karo Kurbani...', someone sang at the celebrations here, rather beautifully at that. Nice song.. touched the heart momentarily, and then the indifference/apathy took over again. "What more can we expect from you anyway? Didn't you leave India in search of 'greener pastures'? Why do all this holier-than-thou talk?". Yeah, right!

Never paid much attention in school (If this is Nikhil reading it, you probably know why), and been lazy ever since to go learn stuff on my own. The fact that there is no one universally accepted version of Indian history doesn't seem to help matters either. Leftist History, Rightist History, European versions, and folklore - wonder if there is such a thing as the absolute truth/fact/version of history anymore. "If you believe all you read, then don't read!", said an unknown Japanese wiseguy. That helps, or does it?

Hoped once upon a time for discussions/debates that never seem to happen without the invariably accompanying rhetoric/clichés. Books take sides and the authors get labelled pro one-or-the-other tainting their works even before the read. Being indifferent and ignorant has been so much more convenient. Rightly so? I do not know. Like always, this was just another Independence day.

Dumb and dumber.

2007-07-26T07:21:00.002-04:00

Kanna tells me this blog's going from bad to worse. Sud says I waste too many words and sound dumb anyway. The rest of you haven't been very tolerant of my verbosity either. Very well, then. For what they are worth, here go a few Haiku. Between them, they sum up how far I have drifted away from levelheadedness, in short. You thought brevity and bullcrap couldn't go hand in hand, did you? Think again. Hmpf!

(Disclaimer: Haiku, as understood in this part of the world, are legally permitted to have no rhyme no reason - even the metre is optional. As long as they contain a few (arguably) profound thoughts on life within 17 syllables, everything goes. But knowing how much you fellas abhor me, sigh...bring on the brickbats anyway.)

I sleep all day
I sleep all night
And the sun gets away with no blame?

I devour burgers
And Cheese Fries
How come you get all the fat?

You read books
I watch cartoons
Isn't it time you grew up, too?

For one, there's EMA

For another, there's OMA
What are those? I wonder too.

Busted my glasses
Yet again
Practice makes a man perfect?

Three plus five
Three in mind, five in hand
After three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine?

Shekhawat fought Shekhawat

Left, Right and Centre
Did one win, or did the other?

The King had his English
So did the Queen
Eye5 squeezed right in between.

If I can Hai-ku

Why can't you?
'Tweedle-dumb' and 'Tweedle-thee'?

Restrooms once had mugs
Haiku once had humour
No mugs, no humour.

Ouch!

PS. Benji sire, thanks for bringing Haiku back in my life. In reward, you get half the tomatoes. The rest of you, stop celebrating. There's more where this came from.

PS again. Was wondering if that was Haiku or Senryū. Yeah, who cares anyway?

The week that was..

2007-07-22T06:19:00.002-04:00

An update, for those who care, on my life the last week and the mess within. Selected entries. Hate myself for yet another post with numbering. Worked well in exams all my life, and some habits just don't die away. Also, will get out of the rut and write on something a liitle more interesting than my own self sometime, but for now, all you get is a first-person description on how the chaos in my life continues to increase, irreversibly if I may add. Apologies. It's kind of hard to take the second law of thermodynamics head on.

Log Journal Entry #963
July 15, '07. 11.03 am.
Location : Home

Launched a full-scale war on bugs. Hunted them down to the last one and eliminated all traces of life in them - lethal chemical weapons employed. Veni, Vedi, Veci. Operation Genocide successful. Sreenidhi was right, after all, atleast till this point of time.

Log Journal Entry #971
July 15, '07. 03.31 pm.
Location : The wonderful world of the worldwide web and the HR Dept. Office.

Got rid of real bugs, only to have software and HTML bugs come to haunt me. Am the first person in the history of post-internet existence to 'lose' a job because of poor website design. Ever 'applied' to a job 3 months after you are granted the job? I was asked to, and the website wouldn't let me reapply for some incomprehensible reasons of its own. Can imagine my epitaph already - Here lies Balaji, the man who attracted bugs, and little else.

Log Journal Entry #978
July 20, '07. 01.52 am.
Location : 'City Limits' - Laundromat.

Forgot to check trouser pockets for leftover items before laundryworks, yet again. Try subjecting a credit card to the full force of water, heat and fabric softeners -you'd be surprised at the results. Deciphering washed-out grocery bills is no fun either.

Log Journal Entry #980
July 21, '07. 04.03 am.
Location : Half a feet away from a computer screen and keyboard. ********* Lab.

Completed weeklong data transfers and statistical analyses on over 1500 spreadsheets. 'Ctrl-O, Ctrl-A, Ctrl -C, Alt-Tab, Ctrl-V, scratch head, Alt-D, run stats, scratch head some more, report anomalies, Ctrl S, Ctrl O. Repeat till job gets done or insanity sets in, whichever is earlier'. Simple algorithm in theory, terrible in practice. Heading down the Carpal Tunnel.

Log Journal Entry #984
July 21, '07. 06.20 pm.
Location : McMicken Commons, UC.

Yours truly on strike. Lobbed-up delivery, spins the wrong way, smack! Last pair of glasses shattered. Done in by the first bodyline legspinner in the history of cricket. Harold Larwood would have turned in his grave.

SOS to Parents : Blind man on the loose. Send replacements - emergency!

Currently trying to maintain a safe distance between my disintegrated glasses and spherical objects of all shapes and sizes.

Log Journal Entry #986
July 22, '07. 02.48 am.
Location : Home

Bugs make a re-entry from the-Lord-knows-where, meaner and stingier than ever before. If bugs survived meteor impacts the likes of which terminated dinosaurs, how were man-made disinfectants supposed to be effective anyway?

S' help me, please!

Boomeranged !!

2007-07-15T06:31:00.000-04:00

Been bugging people for almost 22 years now, assuming I did give my folks some peace the first year of my existence. To be honest, I did pat myself on the back on more occasions than one for being arguably one of the best at the bugging job. If you know me, you'd know that anyway.

Very recently, I met my match - someone who actually dared to bug me, and did it better than my own self. The Cimex Lectularius, better known to us as the common bedbugs, have robbed me of my sleep, BOTH during the day and the night, for over a week now. We, that would be a single-handed me on one side, and the whole bugging lot of them on the other side, have been trying to assert our supremacy over each other for the last week now, and it hurts my pride a good deal to admit I haven't exactly been successful.

Being the highly sincere nerd that I have always been, I didn't miss out on the gyaan part during our oneupmanship tussle. Here goes.

Five ways that will NOT help you get rid of bedbugs.

#1 : Indifference

Worked well on a certain Eric Cartman, and I saw little reason why it shouldn't work on anyone/anything else. Ignored them, pretended I didn't care a hoot when they sucked my blood, drop by drop every passing moment. Very bravely stuck to this plan for a good 2 days, and I think I ought to get some credit for that alone. I had no way of knowing it wouldn't work on those pesky bedbugs. Those darned things have no such thing as self-respect.

#2 : Pay them back in the same coins

Well, I didn't exactly start sucking their blood, should you wonder, though the thought did cross my mind - one of the only times I regretted being a die-hard vegetarian. Bugged them back - tried everything from Magnetohydrodynamics to my thoughts on how wearing one's right sock before the left one was more efficient than the other way. Was failproof with humans. As I was to learn later, it takes a lot more to bug bugs.

# 3 : Divide and conquer

Tried pitting them against one another. Classified them every which way I could - Leftist bugs and Rightist bugs, Liverpool bugs and ManU bugs, Pro-evolution bugs and Anti-evolution bugs. Even tried segregating them into fans of Himesh Reshammiya and the non-fans, but turned out all the bugs were his fans (no disrespect intended towards Shri Reshammiya, just so you know). The bedbugs seem to demonstrate a highly remarkable sense of unity within themselves, a lesson we humans can't afford to miss.

# 4 : Break them from within

Tried telling them they were a lowly species unworthy of sharing the same planet as us. Told them they were a much inferior race to us humans, only to have them tell me what they thought of us. I went mute.

# 5 : THE punishment.

With Sāma, Dāna and Bheda having failed miserably, I had little choice but to go for the Danda. Did the best I could - feed them the leftovers of what I cooked and survived. Was at a loss to know whether I should have felt elated or depressed when they ended up relishing every bit of it.

Sreenidhi, my esteemed roommate here, tells me it might be more prudent if I washed my sleeping bag, maintained my room cleaner, used disinfectants on the bugs and kept doing periodic checks to ensure they don't return. While the saner part of me tells me Sree's right, as he almost always is, besides the obvious fact that that sounds like a lot of work, the uber-lazy side of me fails to see any elegance in the solution. I can only imagine how glad it makes you feel when I tell you the bugger continues to be bugged. What goes around, comes around?

Hyperspammed !!!

2007-06-29T02:42:00.003-04:00

Tolerated all kindsa spam mails for a good 7 years now - why, I even sent thank-you replies meticulously to every single one of those. The 'personalized' spams I have been receiving of late, however, have pushed me to the outer fringes of sanity, not that I was far from them anyway.

Sample these. The mails have been left unedited, seen here as in my mailbox - no tampering. The last one's a killer, no pun intended.

Balaji Sharma, being fired from your job or denied one in Burnet Woods?
Balaji, are you a minority making less than $20 an hour?
Qualification wise, good job, better salary?
It's time to meet someone special
Uncollected Funds **$1,856** for Balaji Sharma Burnet Woods OH
What does Balaji Sharma and Terrorists have in common?

#5
*************************************************
Confidential Employee Report
reply-to Confidential Employee Report
to Balaji Sharma
date Jun 17, 2007 3:11 PM
subject Balaji Sharma, being fired from your job or denied one in Burnet Woods?

June 17, 2007

Dear Balaji,

Burnet Woods residents are being called into their supervisor's office - and fired? Happens all the time after your employer reviews regular confidential online reports about you. Because of identity theft, millions of Americans are walking around with rap sheets – some up to 10 pages long that they don't even know about until they are pulled over or try to get a job.

In fact, 30% of Americans now have rap sheets for things they didn't even do! See your report before it causes you trouble.

Free Report For:
Balaji Sharma
5812 Alessandro Ave.
Burnet Woods, OH 45220
*************************************************

What's wrong with this? For one, that's NOT where I stay. God knows how they matched a street address in California with a locality in Ohio. Shrinking world, huh? And I know I have cribbed about losing jobs in the past, but geez, I lost them because my bosses underestimated my stupidity when they hired me, and got wiser with time. Identity theft? Yeah, right. The guy'd be in for a rude shock.

Back to where the crap began

#4
*************************************************
Burnet Woods Jobs For Minorities

reply-to Burnet Woods Jobs For Minorities

to Balaji Sharma

date Jun 17, 2007 7:14 AM

subject Balaji, are you a minority making less than $20 an hour? If yes, check online for available jobs in Burnet Woods where you can make more.

Balaji,

Minorities Are Snatching Up Some Of The Highest Paying Jobs In Burnet Woods. If you're a minority and haven't taken advantage of the new jobs in high demand in Burnet Woods then you better get on board soon!

Even if you're not a minority, there may be special opportunites that are available to you in Burnet Woods. Employers in Burnet Woods are searching for folks to fill these top paying jobs. And you don't need a college degree!

Find out more online now.

http://www.betterjobbetterpay.com/m/?x=306401-477903-132

*************************************************

Ah, good. I get jobs if I am a minority, and I get them even if I am not. Social equality, stupid! Mishter Arjun Singh, you get the point?

Back to where the crap began

#3
*************************************************
Sonia Khan <6436689193295961868@mail.orkut.com>
reply-to Sonia Khan
to "COMICS AND CARTOONS TO DOWNLOAD"

date Jun 18, 2007 4:01 AM

mailed-by orkut.bounces.google.com

Hi friend,

Is your Qualification . BA, B COM, B.E., B.TECH, BSC, DIPLOMA, MA, MBA, MCA, M COM, MSC, PHD, PGDCA, (Qualification wise). And you want a good job with high salary.

Then you can find more information at:http://www.unlimitedjob.bravehost.com

Many thangs..........

Sonia,

Random Gyaan

2007-06-15T01:09:00.002-04:00

Some things I learnt the play-with-fire-get-your-hands-burnt way over the last 3 months of my life.

10. When using a 4-burner stove, keeping raw food on the backburner and lighting the front one will NOT cook the food. Wise men might throw a lot of radiation heat transfer crap at you, but trust me when I say it doesn't work. If you'd rather not be mutilated by roommates waiting for dinner to get ready, do not attempt to try it. It just doesn't work.

9. Not every dish, edible or otherwise, needs a name. You could subject a random mix of vegetables to not-so-careful heat-treatment, throw in a few fluids and amorphous substances of colours and flavours as you please, and still end up with a nameless 'good dish'. If it tastes funny, there are about 100 odd ways to set it right, if not more. To get away with any remote chances of side effects, choose roommates with no known homicidal records.

8. There is NO age limit whatsoever to read comics, or watch cartoons. In fact, some of you 'grown-ups' should read the kind of stuff they come up with these days - some comics'd beat Playboy hands down, and most cartoons have much less beeps with the same #&#%$%$#@ contents.

7. It is perfectly acceptable for people to not have watched any of the 'The Pirates of the Caribbean' , 'Lord of the Rings', 'Matrix', 'Shrek' or even the 'Harry Potter' series, and still be considered humans. I'd bet my grandma's favourite chair you haven't seen every episode of 'Duck Tales', 'Tales Spin' or the 'Justice League'. I bet you'd not have even heard of 'Potli Baba ki'.

6. If you happen to be heavily dependent on glasses for vision, try not to forget where you last kept them before dozing off. The first half-hour each day of my life is spent fiddling around with everything around me, from screwdrivers and can openers to smelly socks, to see if any of them feels like my glasses. And at times when you are dumb enough to get them close to the eyes to see if they 'fit', they do hurt. If you can't recollect the location where you dumped them, calm down, breathe easy, stay put and ask for help. Stepping on your roommates' bellies while you fiddle around is not considered polite anymore.

5. Acoustic-based alarm clocks are pieces of junk. Tried everything from Thé à la menthe to desi rustic abuses for wake-up ringtones. Nothing works, they just lullaby you back to sleep even if you manage to temporarily sober up. Electrocution, strong enough to knock the crap out of you and mild enough not to leave your hair standing, is THE ONLY SOLUTION.

4. If you are told there are 2 ways of doing something - the quick way and the right way, always choose the quick way. The right way never works - no point wasting time and still ending up with the same muck in your face.

3. Do not EVER attempt to take on the weather. The Gods, whether you believe in them or not, are a lot smarter than you can ever be. If they want to, they will get more than a laugh at your expense. Rained pretty bad a couple of weeks ago, and a rain jacket & an umbrella didn't prevent me from getting dripping wet belt-downwards. Had a tough time explaining to my professor it wasn't the coursework or the assignments that got me in that state.

2. One need not be ashamed to depend on a map and a magnetic compass to get to the grocery stores, or for that matter, to anywhere on or around campus, not when it is someone with as bad a sense of directions as mine. As long as it works, it works. Do not confuse this with point #4 - the quick way will only get you lost faster, asking for directions will get you lost farther.

1. Do not attempt multi-tasking when alternatives make more sense. Have been trying, for a good 3 months now, to lock my front door with one hand while I simultaneously tie my shoelaces with the other. The damned door simply doesn't lock.

0. (We invented the zero anyway, didn't we?) There are atleast 14,502,193 better ways of killing time 'productively' than tolerating all this crap. Pick the nearest heavy object around you and smack yourself bang on the head...... there!

(Rejoinder, and I know we didn't invent either the fractions or negative numbers, but had to squeeze this one in, issued more in public interest than anything else)

-0.65. When under the blade at a hair salon, if there is a Karaoke session happening less than 4 ft away from you, resist the temptation to shake your head to the rhythm. Try to decipher the lyrics if it helps - chances are it would be anything but English. Pulling your hair apart doesn't help either - someone's being paid to do it for you anyway. Maintaining a still head is worth the effort.

Raptus regaliter !!

2007-06-10T04:02:00.001-04:00

(Apologies for not sticking to my earlier promise of brevity, should I have made one. Précis Writing was never my forte anyway. If you were hoping for any change from the usual rants about me and why I continue to exist, please find some other ways to get bugged.)

For a guy in whose lexicon the foulest English word is 'bugger', (an extremely rare 'rashcal' notwithstanding), Latin comes in handy to describe my state of affairs between the last post and now. Bit more than I could chew at the start of the Spring Quarter, spent the whole of the last three months trying to shove the stuff down my throat, and at the end of the quarter, I now lie down with a severe bout of indigestion.

Academically, while life was tougher than the 2 quarters before, it was a lot more fun too. Tried to get a decent level of understanding on 'one of the top 10 algorithms of the 20th century'. Goofed up with Multibody Dynamics a third time in a row, shamelessly. Worked on some experimental stuff in Vibrations that had lured me to UC in the first place. Had to wait a whole year for the same, and the wait was most definitely worth it. 3 weeks of insomnia and insanity culminated with me and my project mates facing a one-man firing squad. Got bruised all over, but made out of it alive. Played around with Love's equations, and gave up on them the moment I realized they were every bit as complex as the more commonly perceived sense of the term.

Went to Chicago for a 3-day conference on automotive noise and vibrations, and while a lot of the stuff detoured around us, we did manage to see a few physical systems out of textbooks and in action. Spoke to honchos of a good many companies in the field, and the first hand information obtained from them made a lot more sense than textbook gobblededook. Never made it to any of Chicago's attractions, but then, there's always a next time, isn't there?

On other fronts, 2 mega'ish cultural events in 'Vasantotsav' and 'Taste of India' took place at UC. Good free food, some boogiewoogie, a whole lotta gyaan, and most importantly, a chance to see the whole of the Cincy desi junta under one roof. For eyes used to seeing people on 15" screens in 2-dimensional stills, the 3D live versions were a very pleasant change. While I very much rue having reduced my life to a highly dominant online existence with a very dormant offline identity, I have come to convince myself of its benefits. 10000 odd 'scraps' on an online networking portal, and before I even let the milestone get to me, I got labeled a hopelessly jobless chinwagger. Not that I deny being one, but over the last 2 years, I have regained contact with oldtimers I thought were permanently gone from my life, and made friends with people I'd never dare/get a chance to talk to in the (overrated?) real world. Win some, lose some?

Summer break's arrived, after a long wait, and it's time to make up for some lost fun. Hoping to hit the roads sooner than later and see places around. Hoping also to regain contact with books (general reads - non tech ones!) and movies - quite a few items due on each list. Oh, and amidst all this, I do intend to sneak in some research work too.

Until next time...

Life sure moves in circles..

2007-04-01T00:20:00.001-04:00

The last time I was here, you heard rantings from a jobless, exaspirated chap (see the second post below this one). After about 70 odd resume drops online and offline across the university, I finally found a job in the good ol' residence halls - back where I woriginally started off. Quarter 1 started with me having a job, quarter 2 started with me losing the job, and quarter 3 starts with me regaining the job. I hope the trend changes for the better come summer.

Among other things, 2 academic quarters have flown by in very little time. Grades seem to take a strong liking to my initials - but am not very sure B-grade Balaji has a very likeable zing to it on the resume. The courses are fun though, and that, in consolation, is all that matters. Have my plate full this time, 4 courses, a laboratory session a week, and 20 hours of part time work - so don't blame me if you don't see a lot of me (which, and I hate to disappoint, is highly unlikely, given my ability to land at the wrong places at the wrong times and to stick around long enough to create a considerable amount of mental agony).

Spring has arrived here finally (pretty much like most places on the planet, of course), replacing a monochrome period of chill and snow. The weather still plays games though. In strict accordance with Murphy's laws, it rains every time I happen to leave that little thing they can an umbrella home. It's happened too many times for coincidence, and I have come to believe the Gods do have a good sense of humour. 'd appreciate it if they didn't make us the butt of the practical jokes.

My cooking skills seem to have improved ('seems' simply because my roommates still make funny faces when they force down their throat the stuff I cook, but they survive it better than before), and my desk looks cleaner for longer periods than it usually does. Been playing sports and throwing my arms around a lot more than this lazy body is used to. But for those, some good things are meant not to change. I still sneak in 10 hours of sleep a day (a fact I am immensely proud of - that is what separates me from the crowd that remains sunken deep in books and labs and codes all day all night!). In essence, a few minor upgrades notwithstanding, the Balaji dated Sep. 01 2006 and the current version are pretty much the same. The bug lives on. :)

History Lessons

2007-02-19T14:32:00.000-05:00

If you'd be interested in how my little city here got its name, check this out.

http://www.bloggingohio.com/2007/01/30/where-did-a-name-like-cincinnati-come-from/

Have a good read!

This email promptly lands in my mailbox 5 times a day, without fail. Now THAT's consistency.

2007-02-15T18:09:00.002-05:00

Dear Applicant,

Your interest in the Student Worker position number 270xxx-ses in the department of ******** has been received and reviewed. While you (and I just loved this part) clearly have many talents and gifts to offer to this role, I'm sorry to say that we are currently considering candidates who appear to more closely meet our job match.

Please do not let this discourage you from applying to other positions within the University that you may feel qualified for.

Good luck with your employment search and thank you for considering employment with the ***************.

Sincerely,

Human Resources

Musings..

2007-02-03T04:58:00.002-05:00

A few random notes worth mention that have happened in the last couple of months.

>>> Haircuts cost hell here. It's a once-every-3-months ritual here, and I know of guys who push the intervals much wider. Went under the blade and paid for one haircut what I would have normally paid for haircuts in India for a good 5 years, and often with better results.

>>> Met a cabbie sometime ago enroute Covington. Nice guy, and very earnest. The conversation goes somewhat like this.

Cabbiebhai : Can I ask you a big something?
Me : Uh, sure (hoping he didn't mean a big tip).

Cabbiebhai : I am sorry if I sound wierd, but it's just that I've been kind of careless at school and never paid much attention ..
Me : Me neither.

Cabbiebhai (unmindful of my big mouth) : ..is it true that elephants travel the streets of India like cars and trucks here?
Me: Wohow! No saar, thanks to a certain gentleman by name Veerappan, am not sure we've left a lot of elephants in the forests either. And the roads are bad anyway, can't have the jumbos do any further damage.

Cabbiebhai : And is it true people have them and cobras for pets? I learn even kids are able to charm them to do stuff.
Me: :-o . There are people like me dead scared of cats and dogs even back home in India. We used to be a land of snake charmers no doubt, and we probably still are in some pockets, but saar, there is a lot more to India than just that.

Point was, wierd notions of Mera Bharat Mahaan still persist. On one hand we have us being looked at as a land that never 'evolved', and on the other side, of a country of techies who'd take away all Amreeki jobs. Am still not sure about what we exactly are, but I am certain we are somewhere in between, and for good. We still hold on to traditions and culture that modernists tend to look down upon, and at the same time we've been making good strides in some of the new fields as well. Talking of which, accounting for 1/6th of the population of this planet, it's hard not to find an Indian here in any dept. Like a certain Russell Peters says," Sooner or later, we are gonna hump you (the rest of the world, China being a pardner in crime)". The lessons in life continue.

Be right back.

Dusting off the rust..

2007-02-03T04:21:00.002-05:00

Been a while since I got here. A lot has happened since good ol' Chowkidaari days and the jobless present - a lot of water has passed on the Ohio River under the Purple People bridge, so to speak, and we've even had our share of snowflakes. Life's gone a full circle - joblessness to being a desk clerk to being a biomechanics lab helper to jobless again. Here's a quick update. For those of you who've got enough nerves to survive this will find details later ahead.

Somewhere near end-October, one of my numerous resume handouts (I thrust them into the hands of prospective yet presently disinterested employers says it better) got an answer and after a brief interview and admission of my love for crazy curves (mathematical plots, before you let your imagination run wild), I was in. It was only after I got on the job that by 'crazy', they really meant it. Biomechanics tests had a way of ensuring that, and my job was to look for the order within the chaos. A second lab got me to parallely work on creating databases of results from similar tests, and things were fun. This incidentally was one of my first chances of interactions with Americans beyond the college and professors. I was blessed with nice bosses - not too many people are greeted on the job with a pizza on day one. Even went on a send-off lunch to a Thai restaurant once (had some tough time figuring out the veggie stuff, but the occasion was for a pleasant change the focus). The workplace was a nice family-ish environment, very informal and easy-going. They put up with my occasional goof-ups, and in the end, they even began to buy the idea I was not as lazy as I am generally believed to be. Extremely friendly and fun-loving people, and I had no issues fitting in. Was a fun time indeed. Couldn't have asked for more.

Meanwhile academics went on in full swing. Acoustics and Fourier Transforms were fun if you are that kind of a person, and am hoping to step on them and get a little ahead. Slept through Multibody dynamics and paid for it dearly. The GPA took a beating, and (a quick peek into the present tells me) chances of improving it seem bleak enough! Pulled up a couple of marathon night outs (back-to-back 24-hour and 42-hour fights with Somnus that fortunately made up for being lazy through the rest of the quarter). Was beginning to think Indian survival skills might still be applicable here - the JIT (just in time) and SHIT (somehow in time) strategies. As the Winter quarter's been treating me, I learnt life has a way of getting you to learn certain lessons plain old-fashioned way! Was a decentish beginning to the first academic session here in the US,and the second one so far has been pretty interesting too, the tons of weekly homeworks, aimed directly between us and slumber, notwithstanding.

Back to the part-time job, worked day in and day out on the job through the break, amidst a peek-a-boo game with my Prof. Between us, we had a law of mutually-exclusive existence going on.. He never showed up when I waited for him, and turned up at times I simply couldn't have been there. Met him finally after the break, and frankly, was worth the wait - a great teacher and person, as I later found out. Meanwhile, day one on the job on the new year, I got my bonanza. The research grant ceased to flow in, and that meant yours truly had to start winding up and look for jobs elsewhere. The hunt continues, and am back to thrusting out resumes in every hand that might be of a potential employer. Like I said, life's come a full circle indeed.

Bad habits die hard!

2006-10-12T05:59:00.002-04:00

What do you do at 4 am in the morning when you don't/can't sleep? You update blogs, of course. Am just back from a 12.00 am -4.00 am graveyard shift. Felt really sleepy during the job (a reclining chair, a heater, and class notes on Acoustics - in tandem they can put anybody to sleep!), and now am as sleepless as.. err..a bat at midnight. Parents thought I'd become 'normal' after I come over to the US, but I am good at adapting. I still sleep 12-14 hrs a day (and I mean DAY!), and am as lazy and procrastinating as I was back home.

People around me seem to be all too busy. The common links that binds them all across disiplines are "Assignments" and "Submission Deadlines". It's getting so bad these days that seeing everybody work hard is getting on my nerves. Why can't people start working on assignments a day before the deadlines? What happened to good ol' desi working habits? I guess when my backside gets on the fire too will I see things 'from the other end'. Till then, I have no complaints sleeping day in and day out. This too shalt pass.

Studies seem to be going on fine. Academics have kicked in big time and classes are getting more interesting by the day. Lecturers here have a way of making stuff sound interesting (exceptions persist, however!). For the 3 courses I have registered this quarter, I have 3 prof.s who between them bring in quite some variety. Sample these:

1. Prof. 1 is a jovial person, retired ages ago but continues to teach, and continues to do a heck of a job (can't help it, American expressions start creeping in.). Brings in a bottoms-up approach to studies (and no pun intended, whatsoever!!!). Talks of the historical developments in a subject/topic and shows how the path till 2006 has been traversed academically and scientifically. Keeps talking of how his grandson could do stuff we grad engineers struggled with, and while it's meant to motivate us to do better, the lazy oafs that we are merely crib about the salt in the wounds. Saar throws in a dash of humor every now and then, and manages to keep us awake even in post-lunch class hours.

2. Prof. 2 is in some ways the quintessential Professor. Teaches the simple stuff and assumes we can take care of the tougher things on our own... which in hindsight is a helluva successful system. The only one to give us an assignment so far (thanks to him, I could pretend to be busy for about a day). Brings in a human touch to acoustics... talks of the differences in sound intensity during various human conversations, and some of it gets unintentionally funny at times. Things get garbled up when he enters the realms of biology and talks of the human ear and its mysteries. Tried his best to get us to understand the importance of the Cochlea, and in true desi style, we merely turned a deaf ear to all his attempts, no pun intended.

3. Prof. 3, another emiritus Prof. like Prof. 1.... 'cool' guy. No assignments, no homeworks, no mid term exams, and just one (possibly open-book) final exam.... and if you are wondering, such people still exist. His classes have more classy anecdotes in them than the courseware itself, but then, you wouldn't want to hear someone talk of hardcore multibody dynamics and vector mechanics at 8 am in the morning, would you? How we managed to shake ourselves out of sleeping at those unGodly hours is a story for another time.

The classes vary from the high-tech to good ol' methods. While some use high-end touchscreen notebooks and virtual blackboards, there are some who are content using pencil-paper projections on the screen. And among students, there are nuts who pretend using the laptop in class (the larger screen notebooks in fact serve as a good cover-up for guys who doze off pretty fast.) and then nuts like me who end up scribbling on paper. End result, all of us leave the class equally confused, technology or otherwise. Unless we pick ourselves up, the classes will remain OHPs... OverHead Projections. Eating food is permitted in the classes, so don't be surprised to see someone bring a full-sized meal to classs, or if banana skins and coke cans fly past you enroute the bin every now and then.

Lousy way to write/end a blog, but am seriously feeling sleepy. Have reverted to caffeine after a small hiatus, and am rushing back home now for my cuppa coffee. Class starts in about an hour, and much as I try to change, I still end up going to classes late. There's always a next time, I tell myself, and whoooooooops...late again. See you round.

Lingua Franca - The Amreeki Angle

2006-09-21T20:52:00.002-04:00

Part 2 : AMREEKI SLANG AND DESIS

If you thought we desis were the only ones who had issues with languages, start rejoicing. No offence meant if you are an American reader, but just like you've had your laughs on our English, we find yours amusing likewise. Again, no offence meant.

If you've been in Amreeka long enough, chances are you'd have heard one of the following phrases being used and abused to the hilt.

SOME OF AMREEKA's VERY OWN..

>> "How's it going?" - The default sentence that pops out when someone opens his/her mouth. I answered very sincerely the first time this came my way. Halfway down my reply, the fella had dozed off.

>> "What's up?" - After all that I've been through? Very little. It's just an empty skull up there these days.

>> "If I were you.." - Well, sorry to disappoint. You aren't me, and probably for good. This planet can sustain only one of my kind.

>> "I mean, like, y'know, kind of, like, sort of, y'know,.. and I was, like, Oh my Gawd!! " - OMG indeed!

"Get out of here!" - Intended to convey disbelief. If you have already gotten out of the room by now, you might consider making a re-entry.

"You're good to go." - Really? How good are we talking about here?

Continuing with pure-blood amreekanisms, here goes a ten-pointer. Will add more as I get enlightened. Do let me know if you have some to share as well.

1. Credit History ... a term to deny purchasing power to anyone without 3-6 months of consistent transactions in their bank accounts, apart from a LOT of hideously miscellaneous factors. It is all the more significant in the light of the fact that most things here work on credit, for reasons beyond my comprehension. The kicker is that you almost invariably need a credit card to 'build' your credit history, and you won't get a credit card till you have a good credit history. A vicious circle.

2. Dollar-Fifty ... 1.5 Dollars or 150 cents - took me quite some time to figure this one out. Mistook it for $ 50 the first time I asked for the price of french fries, and went hungry a whole lousy day.

3. Freeways and Exits ... Highways and roads that lead out of it, respectively. Miss one, and you'll know you've lost yourself hopelessly.

4. Yoghurt ... Thick curds - Buttermilk is available here too, but it's a lot more viscous than the ones that are sold in packets back home. These, and other dairy products, have pretty long shelf-lives, unlike in India where kids are forced to 'clear the lot' with an extra glass each night. Incidentally, the fat content on these products is displayed a lot more prominently than the price. Most people who buy these also relish eating supersized burgers and cheese pizzas. Penny wise and pound foolish?

5. Vegetarian ... Could be literally anything. Potato chips with chicken fat, fried items made using beef oil, or veggie sandwiches with a layer of pork in it all fall in this category. Reading the ingredients before purchasing anything edible has become a ritual of sorts. "Vegetarian please, no meat, no beef, no fish, no pork, no shrimp!" is one of the most over-redundant set of words I have had to use in my life.

6. Oriental Flavour ... The closest you can get to being Indian... noodles with oriental flavour, oriental specialities and the kind are one of the safer veggie things to eat here, apart from french fries.

Rejoinder : Turns out some of them contain beef extracts as well. Darn!! Bless Nestle, Maggi and ready-to-eat Masala Dosas.

7. Free Food ... the simplest way to have a high head-count at any event. Haven't missed any of them here so far, needless to say. And before you ask, somebody else is getting my share of weight gain. I am still the skeleton I always was.

8. Football ... Has as little to do with the foot as you can imagine, but the name persists. Am trying to figure out the rules, but looks like Love's equations are going to be a lot easier to comprehend.

9. Graveyard Shifts ... Work-shifts that run from 12 a.m midnight to 8 am in the morning. Been working on those shifts for some time now, and trust me, there sure are better things in life.

10. Bugs ... Monsters, to be precise. If you've read this, you'd know what I am talking about. At the time of writing, my home is to be smoked by pest bombs in less than 2 hours. Comrade RottenDeep Paul tells me if they survived meteor impacts and nuclear bombings, these 'bombs' could do little damage to those pesky creatures. He incidentally calls them brothers, if that interests you.

On a somewhat serious note, I must add there are things here we can learn from, beyond the pizza mania and love for coke. People on the streets are extremely friendly, atleast in small towns like this one. Most people who pass by you would greet you or smile at you in the least. They are as interested in knowing our land and culture, as some of us were about knowing their way of life better. While this might suggest otherwise, fact of the matter is that some of them are extremely good at what they do, even if in relatively smaller numbers. Competent, ethical in work for most part and candid about what they can do and what they can't. This place might have its issues, but that shouldn't mask us from seeing the good side too.

So much for life here. I'd appreciate it if you would leave a word in the comments. If you feel you've gone through enough of this already, my bad! May peace and sanity be on you.

PS. Thanks, Sathya, Shiva and Rajiv for filling in the Amreeki phrases I'd lost out on.

Lingua Franca - The Desi Angle

2006-09-21T19:58:00.002-04:00

This is a two-part take on conversational lingo, both Indian and Phorén, and how they've blended seamlessly, bringing people together, widening horizons, ... yada yada yada. All that clichéd talk apart, the fact that it drives purists crazy and makes them bite their fingernails off in fear of being pushed out of fashion is worth the effort ahead. Wasn't I a purist too? Oh yes, I converted recently. Ran out of fingers.

PS. Had written this one in the early days of me landing here in Amreeka. Some things have gone out of fashion, some have stayed on, some new ones have come in. Have updated stuff as best as I could have within constraints of space, time, brevity, clarity and sanity. We mechanical engineers call it the overconstrained system and have issues with such systems ourselves. Kindly adjust. Also, everything ahead is intended to be in good humour. I hope I don't touch a wrong chord at any point of time. Apologies if I do.

The interaction here with desis from both north and south of the Vindhyas, among other things, has introduced me to a hitherto-unknown set of nouns, verbs and adjectives. Apparently these have been carried down from India, but the ignorant small-town chap in me was new to all this big city ways and fancy talk. Took time getting used to the free use of expletives in conversational lingo, but then the beeps on screen weren't much fun anyway.

Taking the bottom-up approach, I start with these southern retro-adjectives, for lack of a better word. They convey everything they DO NOT mean. Something being "nasty" means it is, in fact, terrific. "That's a nasty sambar, macha", "Nasty shot da!" and the like. If something is spoken of as "Anyaayamaa irukku", "Asingyamaa irukku", they are meant to be compliments when they in a literal sense mean something's yickier than what I cook. (non-tamils pls scroll down a little further without taking any offence, some of these are kind of hard to translate!).

Superlatives, the amazing, terrific, awesome types, are passé. "Orey the" (a desi retake on "Quite the", which incidentally is also heavily used and abused) as a suffix manages to amplify the quality in reference exponentially. "Quite the movie", "Orey the comedy" are how people here describe stuff they rave about. "Whatthey joke, whatthey comedy", with the desi accent thrown in, chip in here as equally good emphasis-intensifiers and can, depending on the context, be used sarcastically as well.

Ramki and Sidd tell me this is the sourcecode most thambi-folks here relate to for the more common terms. If you do visit the site, read up what some of the terms were woriginally meant to mean. Some enlightenment, that! Had me rolling on hardwood floors laughing, after I knew what they really meant. The glass shreds on the floor hurt, but that's beyond the context of this post and moreover, laughter is a good anaesthetic anyway. Now I know when Kaushik calls someone a Ba*du or a B*eku, the poor fella isn't exactly supposed to beam with pride.

Not too many Kannadigas around in Cincy, and haven't heard a lot of "Othla", "Guru/Sisya", "Gunna" "Bejaan", "Olu" and the kind in some time. Get a couple of telephonic sympathies everytime I lose a job, in "Yaak maga, yen isyaa?" (Why buddy, what's the matter?), but not much to write about otherwise. Hope you are not disappointed, saar.

The Mallus, inspite of the low numbers, do their bit and pack humour in every sentence they utter in English, intentionally or otherwise. "There are plendy of bugs yin my hoam, don't yever look for hovses yin this yeria". "My ungle yis cuming from the Gelf. Have to go pick him et the yeirport yerLy yinn the maarning.". Sree, if you are reading this, I did not mean you. Your Brit accent makes the Boycott's and Tony Greig's look amateurish. Way to go, boy! The world unfortunately has lost a Mallu commentator. We won't ever get to hear, "Yinnswinging delivery, raped on the pads... yevribody eppeals - Note out! - says the Umbire.". More and more Mallus are speaking 'proaper' English these days. Damn all those call-centre training institutes - MTI was so much more fun.

As for the Gults, who sure are in some numbers here, am hopelessly unqualified to say anything. My knowledge of Telugu is about as bad as Lalu's is about Gravitons. I have, however, heard enough to know that if there is a 'Babu' somewhere in the conversation, sooner or later, I'll have Telugu coming at me point blank, and then the old game of trying to make sense of hand gestures and eyebrow movements begins all over again. Took me 10 months to differentiate between Kaadhu, Ledhu, and Raadhu, all of which have something to do with different shades of 'No', which is about all I can tell right now. Am learning.

With guys from up north (and strictly guys, I am told), f-word equivalents are used to address, of all people, buddies, and are accepted substitues for the English 'Dude' and the 'Maga', 'Macha/Machi', 'Maaplai' from down south. "Abe Bh*****ke, kaisa hai. Dikhta nahin aajkal?" translates to " Hey mate, whatsup? Long time no see.", in spirit, and is almost always loaded with goodwill. In letter, however, it's an entirely different ball-game -no pun intended whatsoever. LKB (you'll know it if you have used it, or if it has been used on you) meanwhile wins the All-India contest of buzzwords by a long margin, again, based on inputs from reliable sources and public opinion from both north and south compiled over the last 10 months.

Threw back the laws of physics and optics at a friend when I was told, "Light ley!". Turned out he meant he wanted me to 'take' things easy. Ah, forgot the heavy-and-light import of light. 'Koi fight nahin hai' implies 'It's perfectly fine'. I hope everything stays perfectly fine all the time. Am not built for the alternative.

For the ones who are used to using plain old Queen's English, 'God-level' is the superlative prefix. "That guy's a God-level dude, dude!". 'Dude' in itself can mean differently in different contexts, depending on the extent of the drawl and vocal emphasis. 'Dude' said sooner than an eye's blink more often than not is followed by "Are you crazy?", "What's wrong with you?". "Dude" that sounds more like "Doood" usually follows "What's up?" or "How's it going?", and is the most commonly used version. A little more elongated dood fits between words in a sentence instead of the ends, something like, "No doo'oo'd, not that way". Some people use this version instead of whole sentences, and occasionally entire paragraphs - "Dooooood!!!!" types - and then it again boils down to your acoustic sensitivity and interpretation of facial expressions & body language to decipher the import. Fill me in if I am mistaken on these.

If you've been 'pakaofied' with all this 'Mokkai', I can sleep a contended man. And if you are the right you, thank you for enligtening me about those terms.

If you still seek more, there's this part two.

Of essential necessities in life.

2006-09-21T19:55:00.002-04:00

ROTI, KAPDA AUR MAKAAN (we'll go in the reverse order, for the sake of simplicity.)

MAKAAN.

Searching for a home in the US, we (the plural referring to me and my room-mates) thought was done the high-tech way - online searches, viewing homeplans and submitting applications online and presto, we'd be done! It was a rude shock to find out otherwise. Spent the whole of the Labor Day holiday labouring around the streets near the campus searching for a habitable place to live in. The constraints initially were only the monetary ones. But then were told survival is worth all of one's money, and given safety issues, half the streets we had in mind were shift-deleted in one go. Saved us some physical work, but also brought down our options. Scanned street after street searching for "To Rent" boards and calling them up (Turned out we couldn't just barge into a home and ask the landlord for details - calling them up for an appointment meant we ended up collecting about 15-20 phone numbers from different streets). Ended up repeating the same message to each one of them, to their voice mailboxes in fact - asking if an affordable, habitable home was still on offer. Got sick of hearing a machine respond to us, and tried our luck over the next few days. After losing a few dollars in application fees (that really hurts, especially the first few days when you convert everything to INR and crib how the same things were cheaper back home), and after phone calls beyond count, landed up with homes in an apartment about 5 min away from the UC North Campus, the Engineering Research Center, to be precise. Ended up with a slightly expensive deal and had to sadly bring down the no. of occupants from 3 to 2, but that was the best we could have asked for given the shortage of time. In hindsight, a large one-bedroom apartment - with wooden flooring, a balcony overlooking an about-to-be-shut-down swimming pool, a decent kitchen equipped with a fridge and an electric stove/oven (no roaches at the time of occupancy), and a bathroom with the lock far more advanced that the main-door lock - wasn't such a bad deal after all.

KAPDA

It was fortunate we'd brought in cartloads (washer-loads is more appropriate through) of clothings from India, but weren't entirely prepared for 15 day laundry cycles. Needed a few more stuff to make a house a home, so went shopping to Wal-Mart, about an hour from here by the bus. Bought lots of stuff, from mops and brushes and liquid cleaners to sleeping bags and a microwave oven. Hoped all along Rupee were priced much better against the Dollar. The conversion made sure everything hurt 47.something times more. With enough stuff to fill a vehicle's rear end, we ended up taking a cab back home. Needless to say, it didn't come cheap either.

ROTI

They go by the name of Tortillas (pronounced Torti'as, for reasons I do not understand) here, a rough equivalent of the wheat base we make chapatis out of back home. Bought a few of those, and 2 huge sacks of rice. Vegetables here come in cans, and have shelf lives that go into years. Bought a couple of those. For old times' sake, bought fresh cabbages and potatoes. Lemons here were of the size of oranges back home, so decided to have a second thought on those. The bananas, hybridized, I am told, all look very very identical, in terms of size and shape. Or maybe the mind sees what it chooses to see. To fit into the Amreeki way of eating, bought quite a few buns and bread loafs. Milk here is sold in cans, in gallons I suppose (couldn't find the volume anywhere on the can, but the "2% Fat" label was quite prominently displayed, I must say.) Bought vegetable oil (that, by the way, is the closest substitute to good old groundnut or sunflower oil) and looked like we had everything in our armoury for Khana khazana. A dose of one's own medicine.. a tad too literally.

The first meal we made turned out to be much better than feared. Made rice and sambar, and turned out we wouldn't miss the food back home as badly as we'd feared. Figured out in the process that a simple pressure cooker is bad enough to set the smoke-detector howling. and that shoving duct-tape or simply removing the batteries could mellow the blasted thing down. (Disclaimer : It's illegal to do so, and on record, we didn't do it). Off record, make your guesses :-).

Had a South-Indian get-together among student-residents of our apartments, and turned out the sambar we made tasted better even on other taste-buds. Ramki's now the sambhar-specialist around this place, and since we take cooking turns, good food 3-4 days a week makes up for the mass of edibles we shove down our throats the days I cook. So much for the bare necessities here.

Week One in Cincinnati ... Life in retrograde kicks in officially!

2006-09-21T19:53:00.001-04:00

Week One (Sep 3rd-10th, '06.) here in the US has been memorable for more reasons than one. Unlike possibly quite a few others, I tried hard to come here with as blank a picture of the US as I could, so almost everything I saw around this place was new. I could straight away succumb to the age-old temptation of pitting the des versus pardes, but let's keep that for later. It would suffice to say, for now, that though the roads here are many notches above the ones we have back home, the emptiness on the streets hit me real bad. A man here, a few vehicles there, and period. Was glad to find out later that the scene is much better at the University.

The ISA, or the Indian Students Association, promptly arrived at the airport for the pickup. Thanks to Shiladitya, Niranjan and Sujit for transporting us (It turned out 4 of us landed on the same day, as against the scheduled 2 - we desis are always a crowd) and our baggages (understandably, there were quite a few of those, and as you would remember, mostly without the wheels!) from the desolate airport to a more active University Campus.

Then began a week-long period which people here call "temping" (read a period that is supposed to be a week plus/minus a couple of days, but goes into weeks quite often, during which time senior students tolerate us juniors messing around their place). That's the period when you get to know how the system here works first hand - an informal orientation of sorts - and that's when you also realise the food here is far better than what we'd have dreamt of. Desi stuff rules even in Amreeki kitchens, and we knew we'd survive this place quite comfortable, well.. atleast as far as the appetite goes. A special thanks to Suman and Ravi (the guys who made sure I had a very comfortable stay, and tolerated my bugging quite well.), as also Balaji (there are quite a few of us namesakes out here), Harsha and Naresh, who've been equally hospitable, and spared their time, and patience, to answer most of our queries while describing Cincinnati to us inside out. Picked up a few Telugu words on the way, but have to go a long way before I can claim to know the language. Almost got killed by a couple of batchmates for asking all the wrong questions, but I survived and they ended up being good friends in due course of time. All in all, Week One was very memorable in that I made a few new, and very good, friends, and digested enough info. to be able to transit to life here.

The flight...of baggages and bins.

2006-09-11T19:36:00.002-04:00

The Bangalore-Delhi Air Sahara flight took off late, on expected lines. Landed up in Delhi amidst heavy rains with barely a couple of hours to transit from the national to the International Airport. A broken wheel on the jumbo suitcase didn't make matters easy, and amidst traffic chaos and rains, made it to the International Airport well in time. Spent a few minutes trying to recollect the baggage lock codes, and spent a few more minutes eliminating nailcutters and silica gels from the cabin baggages (harmless pieces that keep us and suitcases (resp.) hygenic, but these days, nothing's safe any more). Reweighed stuff to ensure that two 23 kg and a 25 kg baggages were transformed into two 24 kg ones. Fortunately, they were lenient on the weights and made sure I didn't have to pay through my nose for carrying extra curry powder packs and stuff. (In hindsight though, I could have stuffed in more of those - greed, I tell you.) What followed next was the first encounter with the immigration process.

Immigration Officer (an Indian with a heavy American accent, and worse, spoke faster than usual Amreekans) : Hi. I need to ask you a few very simple, but very important questions.

Me (as meekly as I could) : yes Ma'am.

IO (Looking at my baggages) : Are those yours?
Me: yes Ma'am.

Io: Who do the contents of your baggages belong to?
Me: (duhhhhh) To me Ma'am. (I understand these are important questions, but they kind of sound too obvious..)

IO: How long have you had them?
Me: For about a month Ma'am.

IO: And when did you pack all your stuff?
Me: A day ago Ma'am.

IO: Please understand you'd be held responsible for everything found within it, and you'd be charged if we found narcotics and stuff in your bag.
Me (scared to my wits) : Uh yes Ma'am.

IO: Fine then. Have a &^%$%$##@$#@. (trust me, it sure didn't sound like good socially acceptable set of words, or maybe my speech processing was a little too slow!)
Me: Beg your pardon Ma'am?
IO: Have a nice flight.
Me (phew!) : Thanks Ma'am.

Got the baggages checked in, and after about 3 hours of waiting, which involved the search for a decent and affordable place within the airport to eat, and a phone that worked, we (that's me and Ramki, the guy who tolerated me through the journey, and continues to do so as my roomie here.) got through and boarded the American Airlines flight.

The Boeing 777 long range airliner was a dream to fly in. Much as one'd despise the 15-hr non-stop flight, the first flight in a jumbo-jet was a good experience in strange ways. Spent half the time fighting sleep off to make sure I didn't miss the foods, and the remaining half trying to get some sleep to keep myself in some shape for the next day. Needless to say, neither worked. Expected them to be a bit generous with the foods though, but all I got was 1/8th of a dosa (or was it 1/10th?) and something that was originally intended to be a vegetable curry. Survived them, miraculously. The on-board entertainment was no help either (a personalised touch-screen console playing reruns of oldish serials and movies, which though bad, weren't good enough to put me to sleep). Landed up in Chicago and made it through customs without too many hiccups. Travelled on a Monorail for the first time as well, transiting between terminals, and after about 3 hours of wait, had a roller-coaster ride from Chicago to Cincy. This aircraft really made the maneuvers feelable - gulping down what I was told was tomato juice, without spilling a lot of it, was no less than an adventure onboard this flight. Landed at Cincinnati, all 60 kgs of me safe and sound. Couldn't say the same of the baggages though.

The story so far.. THE beginning.

2006-09-11T18:27:00.001-04:00

The toughest step in the journey so far has been the first step. Coming out of the cosy confines of home to an altogether alien place (alien.. that BTW is how we are addressed here. Hope they find a better word for us non-Americans someday!) wasn't exactly easy. Having parents to rely on for a lot of things, if not everything, and the emotional attachments weren't entirely easy to transcend. Thankfully, the good ol' world wide web is around, and communication isn't as bad as it once used to be. So, yours truly finally made the big leap.. the proverbial Saat Samandar Paar jump to pursue learning (extra emphasis added!). Much as I've tried to convey otherwise, the notion persists that everybody who lands up on this side of the globe does so irreversibly. Someday in the near future, I hope to prove them wrong.

A desi trying to get used to Amreeka

2006-09-07T18:23:00.002-04:00

If you've lived in Amreeka for sometime or been here, the contents on this blog will be no more than a big bore (not that it'll be any better for those back home). For those of you who don't mind hearing out my humble li'l musings and, for lack of a better word, encounters in the US from a grass-eating hardcore desi teeto's point of view, welcome. Get bugged at full throttle.

2006-02-03T02:25:00.079-05:00

Laughs - pure and unadulterated.

>> A dripping flush tank - enough said.

>> Insensitive rhymes - Ba Ba Green sheep?

>> Chee Chee .

>> In defence of The Kaptan.

>> How did he manage to put it in words? How, how?

>> A madder look at b'days - RIP.

Quarter-life crisis, commitments and all that..

>> Blame it on the weather ?

>> Our very own relationship specialist.

>> The argument for..

>> The argument against..

>> The consolation ?

Some relief I ain't the only one. Clap clap.

>> Being disorganized ain't fun no more?

>> Rants of the scythe.

>> I am fine, or am I ?

>> Gradlife side-effects?

~~Bangalore~~ ~~Bengalooru~~ Bengaluru.

>> Kudka again - Dr. Raj, Auto Shankar et al. Things don't change, no?

>> Bengalooru Banter - Bengloor's spoilt bratsu.

>> Which Main, What Cross - Bengloor's nooksu and cornersu

>> Auto Ride - Bengloor shtyle.

2006-02-03T02:21:00.055-05:00

Blogs - rhyme, reason and plain fun.

>> Eye5 - Spelling mishtakes on signboreds.
>> CircusMouse - PJs, PPJs and the occasional pun.
>> AlterEberts - Desi takes on movies both desi and phorén.
>> Stuff White People Like - Racist? Decide for yourself.
>> Stuff about Stuff - Not a blog, but worth the time all the same.
>> 10plus3i - It's...err.. complex.
>> RajKrisV - That sport we desis love.

Photoblogs

>> Blipworld - One blip a day..
>> A Moment in Life - Subro's fodoblog.
>> 5pointsix - Karthik's photo stream.
>> Kauzz - C.Sing shots.
>> Shiva - Jajah takes.
>> Vaidya - BizWhiz images.
>> Suhasa - From the land of automobiles.
>> Ramki - Shots from the land of cheese and Alps
>> Dr. Pattnaik - From the nooks and corner of UC, and more.

Lingo F1

>> How to speak 'Indian' - a bit of 'em all.
>> Samskritapriyah - For those who still love 'the language of Gods'.
>> Bigcity fancytalk - that's how we villagers 'keep up'.
>> Youswear ? (Do so at your own risk)

Got a geek in you?

>> Modal Analysis - My bread, butter and salted cheese.
>> EFunda - Elementary, my dear..
>> ThinkGeek - Stuff for the smart (m)asses, as they say it.
>> Get a life? No, thanks. Already got one.

The Bin

2006-02-02T01:50:00.007-05:00

Not just yet. Clearing up some of the older mess. A little patience, and soon you and your tomatoes can do the needful. For now, you can use the commentspace below for the brickbats.